I’ve always loved my middle name, Grace, and I have always thought that Hayley Grace sounded pretty nice together. Grace was my mother’s grandmother’s name and all of my siblings and I have a family name for a middle name.
Now despite loving Grace, there were a few times growing up that I wished it was something different. Those instances were always when my dad would throw my middle name in my face. We would be arguing or I would be upset and he would utter, “I don’t know why we gave you that middle name… you don’t show an ounce of it” or something along those lines.
I graduated in May with my multimedia journalism degree. I decided to take a couple of months to spend with friends and family… and do a little traveling and then accepted a job in my field in early July!
And, honestly, maybe I wasn’t the best at showing grace or understanding when I was younger. However, I am very proud of the person I have become throughout college and graduation. The girl I see now is a lot different than the girl I knew in high school. I’m not as catty, I’m very self aware, I care for people intensely, and I have friends who mean the world to me. I live a pretty drama-free life.
I have made a conscious decision to treat people with kindness and to be understanding-- always. Frankly, you never know what someone is going through and what brave face they are trying to keep on and how you being nice to them can help them keep going. I have also learned to not sweat the small stuff and that is a vast improvement for me.
Obviously things come up, but I always have to ask myself, “is this something that I can change or is this out of my hands?” and I've learned how to problem solve and stay calm, cool, and collected. I make sure and not harshly react when things go awry and to never take my emotions out unfairly onto others.
The only thing that I didn’t pack up and move that I wish I could have, was this little munchkin.
I'm not writing this blog to pat myself on the back, I’m actually writing this blog because I realized something today. I am very quick to show others grace and not as quick to show myself grace.
I started a new job a few weeks ago as a multimedia journalist in La Crosse, Wisconsin. I am the sole reporter who works out of a bureau and have a lot to learn since I won’t have others to rely on. This job is really exciting for me, I mean—I got into the field that I wanted right out of college, but it’s also terrifying for me. I don’t want to fail. I don’t want to not meet the expectations others have for me.
These first few weeks have been exciting and fun and scary and extremely tiring. I have felt moments where I am proud, but mainly moments of averageness. I feel subpar. I feel inadequate to take this role on and replace who was before me. I am constantly comparing myself to someone else. Every. Single. Day. And that is completely draining and totally not fair to me.
I called my mom on the drive home today and told her about my 5/10 day. I realized that I felt sad because of two reasons. One, because I feel like I am occasionally treated like a complete idiot and talked down to constantly, but two, because I have unrealistic expectations that I am setting for myself.
I traded-in skyscrapers for bluffs. Definitely excited to explore La Crosse and get to call it home.
I feel like I should be taking over right where my predecessor is leaving off, but that is not the case. He has been doing my job for two years. TWO YEARS. Of course he is going to be better than I am at it, of course I am going to struggle at first. I'm just too prideful. I don’t want to tell anyone this and have them think less of me. I don’t want people to think I’m failing at this.
And I'm not failing at this. I am sure that I am right where I am supposed to be in this moment. I need to show myself grace and cut myself slack. If I do that, maybe I can feel like I'm not treading water constantly. Let me tell you, it’s exhausting.
The bottom line is this—I cannot control the way people speak to me. I cannot control their opinions of me either. I can, however, control the way that I treat myself and the opinions that I have toward myself. (I also can continue to treat others with kindness, which I totally plan on doing lol.)
I no longer need my dad to tell me that I don’t show grace to others, I instead need to remind myself to KEEP showing grace to others, but to also show it to myself. Maybe that’s a reminder that you need too. Cut yourself slack, show yourself grace and rock whatever challenge is being thrown at you. You’ve got this!